Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Trending via Twitch:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Seen just now on Threads:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Making waves on Slack:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

2 months ago

0

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'method acting' – gaining weight for a role you never auditioned for! 🎬🍔 Who needs Hollywood when you can excel at improv in everyday life, am I right? 😆 #OscarWorthyPerformance"

acting, creativity, humor, i, joke, life, ly, me, moment, movie, never, self-deprecation, someone, told, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That boring, introverted life you’re living has probably protected you from a lot of harm and bad experiences.

0

10 hours ago

bad, boring, boring life, experience, experiences, harm, introvert, life, living, lot, protection
I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

0

6 months ago

addiction, humor, i, pattern, recognition
When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

0

2 months ago

communication, family, humor, kid, manager, parent, saying, speak, where
This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

0

1 month ago

ask, dinner, family, family dinner, holiday, humor, just, life, mashed, mashed potato, me, pass, potato, question, questions, Thanksgiving
I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

0

5 months ago

ever, family, going, gym, humor, i, inside, joke, misunderstanding, nephew, recover, said, should, sister, telling, think
If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

0

2 months ago

demise, escape, humor, planning, process, quiet, rest, sweet, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

76 shares on X this month:

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

95 shares on X this month:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Live now on Pinterest:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Breaking via TikTok:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Making waves on Instagram:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Just shared via Threads:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Just landed via Discord:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Breaking via Threads:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

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