Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

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No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

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Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

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I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

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At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

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Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

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Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

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I wish anxiety came with french fries.