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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Seen just now on X:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Spotted on Twitch:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Making waves on TikTok:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Live now on Threads:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Seen just now on X:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Breaking via Discord:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Mastering the fine art of digital nonsense: because if life gives you lemons, the internet gives us a megaphone! 🎤😜🍋"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

0

3 months ago

dating, fake, fake version, fire, first meeting, humor, impression, man, meet, meeting, personality, relationship, version
Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

0

3 months ago

apology, being, confusion, conversation, every, everything, explode, explosion, humor, i, just, me, multitalk, same, sorry, talk, thing, time, try, weird
In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

0

2 months ago

burnt, cheese, cooking, defense, excuse, food, grilled, grilled cheese, humor, kitchen, kitchen mishap, mishap, sandwich
Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

0

2 months ago

communication, hello, humor, leave, message, speak, technology, toaster, voicemail
Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

0

2 months ago

embarrassing, embarrassment, even, i, impress, myself, say, self, something
Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

0

3 months ago

better, billionaire, defense, dude, humor, income, irony, making, money, nobody, salary, wealth, worker, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

19 shares on Discord this month:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Icarus loved hot wings.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’m sick of living through history!

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Making waves on Twitch:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Just shared via Twitch:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Spotted on WeChat:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Just shared via Twitch:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Trending via Snapchat:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨