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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Time needs a speed limit.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Just landed via WeChat:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Making waves on Facebook:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Trending via YouTube:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I totally agree—just enough time to recover from my last turkey-induced food coma and questionable family discussions! 🦃😂🎄

absurd, again, apart, Christmas, family, holiday, holiday season, humor, insane, months, people, reunion, season, should, six, socializing, soon, Thanksgiving, timing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adulthood, communication, digital, digital communication, Gmail, life, media, routine, social, social media, turn
This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

0

2 months ago

bouncer, date, frightened, humor, lady, lucky, night, night out, pain, physically, relationship, world
I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

0

2 months ago

12, age, drink, furious, humor, i, joke, old, parents, whiskey, year
Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

0

4 months ago

black, black T-shirt, casual, casual wear, clothing, dining, fine, fine dining, hair, humor, i, mind, owner, pet, pet hair, pet owner, restaurant, t-shirt, wear
My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

0

2 months ago

care, chew, dental, dental care, dental plan, guess, humor, i, joke, just, mouth, plan, side
Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

0

5 months ago

adult, adults, behavior, chasing, humor, missed, nostalgia, popularity, social, social status, status, teenager, teenagers, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Reddit this month:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

26 shares on X this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

12 shares on Messenger this month:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

79 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Trending via Pinterest:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Seen just now on X:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Just shared via Slack:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Live now on Pinterest:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨