35 funny months quotes - Wordgag

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

May 20, 2026

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

May 19, 2026

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

May 19, 2026

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

May 19, 2026

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

May 19, 2026

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

May 19, 2026

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Apr 1, 2026

January: the Monday of months.

Apr 1, 2026

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Apr 1, 2026

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Apr 1, 2026

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Apr 1, 2026

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Mar 31, 2026

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Mar 31, 2026

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Mar 31, 2026

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Mar 30, 2026

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Mar 30, 2026

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Mar 29, 2026

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Mar 29, 2026

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Mar 29, 2026

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Mar 28, 2026

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Mar 28, 2026

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Mar 27, 2026

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Mar 27, 2026

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Mar 27, 2026

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Mar 27, 2026

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Mar 26, 2026

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Mar 26, 2026

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Mar 26, 2026

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Mar 26, 2026

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Mar 25, 2026

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Mar 24, 2026

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Mar 24, 2026

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Mar 24, 2026

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

Mar 23, 2026

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Mar 23, 2026