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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Making waves on Reddit:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Trending via Telegram:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Making waves on YouTube:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Making waves on Messenger:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Spotted on Reddit:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Reported on Messenger:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Trending via Instagram:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

6 months ago

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

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Commentary:
Ah, Walmart – the great divider of mankind! 🛒 For some, it's a chore-filled expedition, a journey into the depths of consumerism. For others, it's a thrilling adventure, a chance to embrace the chaos and find hidden gems among the shelves. Which type are you? Embrace the Walmart experience, for it is a true test of character! 💸🎉

activity, choices, experience, fun, fun activity, humor, life, life choices, people, perspective, retail, retail experience, shopping, types, types of people, Walmart, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,425

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Spotted on Facebook:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Making waves on Reddit:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Making waves on Threads:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

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