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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Spotted on Threads:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Broadcasted on X:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Shared recently on X:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Trending via Snapchat:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Going viral on Slack:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Going bananas on Facebook:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, nothing like paying extra for a change of scenery while your kids perfect their eye-roll game! 😂✈️💸

being, city, different, else, expense, expensive, family, humor, kid, kids, parenting, price, price tag, put, tag, travel, ungrateful, vacation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

0

5 months ago

energy, give, humor, i, only, people, trust, unemployable, unemployable energy
Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

0

2 months ago

ever, humor, just, laziness, mood, morning, relatable, wake, wake up
In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

0

2 months ago

America, culture, france, humor, marijuana, oui, wordplay
If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

0

2 months ago

catholic, Catholic Church, church, crime, crime story, history, humor, i, recommend, recommendation, religious, religious history, story, true, true crime
After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

0

5 months ago

actually, after, chore, cross, daily, daily life, dish, dishes, experience, household, household task, humor, i, life, list, lot, never, task, to-do, to-do list, washing, washing dish
If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

0

2 months ago

demise, escape, humor, planning, process, quiet, rest, sweet, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on X this month:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

68 shares on Threads this month:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

61 shares on X this month:

Earth is hard.

16 shares on Discord this month:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

50 shares on Threads this month:

Half princess, half menace.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Just shared via Reddit:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Shared recently on Threads:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨