Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Surviving a near-death experience is one thing, but dodging a 'Hey, stranger!' text 5 months later? That takes true resilience and a good block button! 😂📱 #JustSurvivorThings"

ask, curiosity, doing, humor, kill, message, months, past, relationship, survival, text, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, ceiling, daily, daily life, floor, household, humor, kids, life, me, mirror, parenting, sink, toothpaste, towel, towels, walls
If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

0

2 months ago

best, Christmas, day, holiday, humor, job, judging, leisure, one day, people, rest, Santa, think, time, work, works, year
I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

0

4 months ago

bank, humor, i, irony, joke, money, pen, pens, single, string, strings, tie, trust, us, why
An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

0

2 months ago

adult, humor, ibuprofen, life, life skills, medicine, organization, pain, pain relief, person, place, relief, skills
Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

0

2 months ago

age, always, bit, growth, humor, individuality, me, older, people, personality, self-awareness, strange
Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

0

2 months ago

confidence, earlier, humor, i, insult, insulting, me, myself, sarcasm, self, self-talk, wit, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Slack this month:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

86 shares on Discord this month:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

85 shares on X this month:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

31 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Just shared via Twitch:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Going viral on Twitch:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Going bananas on Twitch:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Going viral on X:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Shared recently on WeChat:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Spotted on Reddit:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨