Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

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If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

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I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

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You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

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I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

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The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

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One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

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The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

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The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

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How did we decide to go with cockpit?

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Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.