YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

3 weeks ago

Commentary:
This explains why my goldfish never seizes the day… fin-confused! 🐟🤣✨

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I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

2 months ago

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When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

2 months ago

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Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

1 month ago

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The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

4 months ago

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I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

1 month ago

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Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

1 month ago

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