There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

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She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

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You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

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When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

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Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

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I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

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It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

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Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

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I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

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Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

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I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.