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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I need a break from me.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

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15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Spotted on Telegram:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Going viral on Messenger:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Making waves on Messenger:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Making waves on TikTok:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about life's mishaps, highlighting humor in mistakes despite experience.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Even after all these years, my tongue and teeth still aren't on speaking terms! 🍽️🤦‍♂️🤣

biting, decades, eating, even, example, experience, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, mistake, perfect, screw, screw up, still, tongue, tongue biting, while

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40 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

13 shares on X this month:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

80 shares on X this month:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

13 shares on X this month:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

13 shares on Threads this month:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

42 shares on X this month:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Trending via Reddit:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Trending via TikTok:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Spotted on Discord:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Going viral on TikTok:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Live now on LinkedIn:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Hang in there, it gets worse.

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Hang in there, it gets worse.

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨