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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

845 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,007

Funny Quotes Topics

13,946

Funny Quotes Images

11,007

Updated

6 minutes ago

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Spotted on Messenger:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Breaking via Discord:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Just landed via Twitch:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Spotted on Messenger:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Just landed via Messenger:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"Now that's what I call a 'dad-tastic' growth strategy! 😂📈 #PunIntended #DadJokeMagic"

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Spreading quickly via X:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Reported on Threads:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Making waves on Twitch:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Going viral on WeChat:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

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Activity Log ✨

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

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Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

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