1660 funny irony quotes - Page 37 - Wordgag ツ

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Jan 20, 2026

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Jan 20, 2026

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Jan 20, 2026

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Jan 20, 2026

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Jan 20, 2026

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

Jan 20, 2026

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Jan 20, 2026

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Jan 20, 2026

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Jan 20, 2026

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Jan 20, 2026

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Jan 20, 2026

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Jan 20, 2026

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Jan 20, 2026

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Jan 20, 2026

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Jan 20, 2026

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Jan 20, 2026

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Jan 20, 2026

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Jan 20, 2026

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Jan 20, 2026

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Jan 20, 2026

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Jan 20, 2026

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Jan 20, 2026

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Jan 20, 2026

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Jan 20, 2026

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Jan 20, 2026

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Jan 20, 2026

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Jan 20, 2026

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Jan 20, 2026

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Jan 20, 2026

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Jan 20, 2026

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Jan 20, 2026

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Jan 20, 2026

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Jan 20, 2026

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Jan 20, 2026

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Jan 20, 2026

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Jan 20, 2026

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Jan 20, 2026

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Jan 20, 2026

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Jan 20, 2026

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Jan 20, 2026