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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Making waves on Facebook:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Making waves on Facebook:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

Making waves on Telegram:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Seen just now on Discord:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

3 hours ago

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Clever humorous quote about marketing tactics targeting women and men, playful and witty.

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Commentary:
I guess men want to be exclusive and women want to be in the club! 😂🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️ #TrendsettersVsTrailblazers

advertising, behavior, consumer, consumer behavior, difference, gender, gender difference, humor, man, marketing, prove, sales, sales strategy, sell, show, something, strategy, using, want, woman, women

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Slack this month:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

27 shares on X this month:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

Going viral on Slack:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

Spotted on Reddit:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Just landed via Discord:

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Trending via Discord:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Breaking via YouTube:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Seen just now on Slack:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

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Activity Log ✨

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨