Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Looks like his wife sees the glass half empty… or in this case, the bottle half empty! 🍷😂 Maybe he should try a 'glass half full' approach next time!"

asked, bottle, conversation, drinking, empty, half, humor, i, joke, me, pessimist, relationship, said, why, wife, wine, yesterday

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69 shares on Slack this month:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

23 shares on Discord this month:

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

81 shares on X this month:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

69 shares on X this month:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Just landed via Instagram:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Just shared via WeChat:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Freshly posted on X:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Trending via YouTube:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Going viral on Slack:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨