Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,744

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Trending via WeChat:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Seen just now on Slack:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Spotted on Discord:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Breaking via YouTube:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Trending via Facebook:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Spotted on Twitch:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my schedule is booked with a whole lot of nothing today! 😆🛌✨

always, delay, horrible, humor, i, laziness, management, mean, nothing, plus, procrastination, productivity, something, thing, time, time management, today, tomorrow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

0

5 months ago

cheeky, fishnet, humor, little, orange, oranges, playful, ripping, slutty
You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

0

5 months ago

else, humor, know, me, mysterious, mystery, self-reference, ways, work, works
“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

0

2 months ago

bro, dark, dark humor, exhaustion, existing, humor, i, relatable, stop, tired, want
A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

0

5 months ago

apartment, frugality, guy, never, rent, stay in, value
That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

0

1 month ago

couple, diet, humor, January, last, lose, loss, moment, new, new year resolution, passing, procrastination, realize, resolution, still, time, time passing, trying, weeks, weight, weight loss, year
Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

0

2 months ago

balance, humor, juggling, multitasking, Olympics, screen, screen time, technology, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Telegram this month:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Going viral on X:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Just shared via Messenger:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Breaking via Telegram:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨