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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

Just landed via WeChat:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Seen just now on Slack:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Spotted on Instagram:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

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Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.
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Commentary:
"Saturdays: the ultimate 'choose your own adventure' day! 😴🏃‍♂️ Or as I call it, 'Look busy while doing nothing!' 🍕📺"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

84 shares on X this month:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,295

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Spotted on Threads:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Going viral on TikTok:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

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