Commentary:
When my inner narrator takes the stage, even my bad hair days cheer it on 🎤😂🌀
47 Funny absolutely quotes
I love rejecting cookies. Aww, you want to sell my data? Absolutely no chance, but I love your enthusiasm.
Commentary:
🍪❌ "Cookies, please! I'm already on a strict 'no data diet'—but kudos for your optimism!" 😂
My boyfriend is absolutely refusing to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me, and I lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear.
Commentary:
I mean, with multitasking skills like that, you'd think he was Beethoven's rival! 🎹😂💧
It is absolutely essential to have friends you can have extremely insane pervert conversations with. This is kind of what makes life worth living.
Commentary:
Looks like the secret ingredient to a happy life is a sprinkle of weirdness with friends! 😂🤪👯♂️
Constantly saying “long story short” with absolutely no intention of shortening the story, whatsoever.
Commentary:
This story has more plot twists than a pretzel factory! 😂🥨
ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.
Commentary:
Master of random skills, professional procrastinator extraordinaire! 🤹♂️🧘♂️📅💥
Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?
Commentary:
Kind people must have an invisibility cloak for kindness because it clearly goes unnoticed! 😂🧙♂️
Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.
Commentary:
Plot twist: welcome to the writer's version of 'lost in my own head' 😅✍️🗺️
The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.
Commentary:
Sleeping Olympics gold medalist right here! 😴🥇 #ProNapAthlete
Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’
Commentary:
Guess it's called "variety" when you own four shades of "almost the same" 😆👕👕👕👕