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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

70 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,339

Funny Quotes Topics

17,458

Funny Quotes Images

15,339

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,630

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Making waves on Telegram:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Breaking via Twitch:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Trending via WhatsApp:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Spotted on Telegram:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Just shared via Telegram:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Back from a social media cleanse and ready to spice up the chaos 🌪️😜✨

again, back, break, comeback, figure, health, humor, ID, irony, media, mental, mental health, ruin, self-deprecation, social, social media, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

0

4 months ago

home, humor, interaction, media, online, online interaction, sarcasm, social, social media, someone, Twitter, unhappy, unhappy home, welcome
Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

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5 months ago

baby, determination, face, grab, humor, just, literally, mischief, parenting, step, toddler, want
I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

0

2 months ago

airport, departure, departure gate, enjoy, gate, humor, i, joke, romance, romantic, romantic walk, travel, walk, walking, walks
Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

0

2 months ago

beginning, cool, every, FBI, humor, nostalgia, pretty, remember, retro, security, security warning, tape, threat, threaten, VHS, warning
Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

0

2 months ago

conversation, food, french, humor, joke, know, talk, toast
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

0

2 months ago

dryer, free, funny thought, great, great idea, humor, idea, put, self-care, thought, wrinkle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

95 shares on Discord this month:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Forget all this adulting stuff, let’s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Just landed via Twitch:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Making waves on Messenger:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Making waves on Instagram:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Trending via X:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Just landed via Messenger:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨