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Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

1 month ago

daylight, daylight saving, holiday, just, made-up, saving, savings, sell
If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

5 months ago

always, food, full, humor, i, name, nickname, pasta, think, wordplay
If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

1 month ago

humor, question, riddle, watch, witch, wordplay, wrist
Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

1 month ago

challenge, coffee, drink, humor, impossible, just, know, laying, laying down
The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

5 months ago

basic, comical, cost, costs, dining, fact, fast, fast food, food, humor, inflation, meal, price, restaurant
To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

1 month ago

bottle, car, cupholder, humor, marriage, new, passenger, practicality, relationship, seat, size, water, water bottle, wife

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Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

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Half princess, half menace.

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As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

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I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

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I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

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Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

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If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

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Breaking via Threads:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Just shared via Discord:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Just shared via Twitch:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Just landed via Messenger:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Going viral on X:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Trending via Twitch:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

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We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

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Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

What are cats even trying to do?

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

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My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

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We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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