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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Trending via Instagram:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Just shared via YouTube:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Playful quote about avoiding dream jobs with humorous indifference.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma of dream jobs vs. dreamy thoughts 🤔💭 Why dream about working when you could be dreaming about a beach vacation instead? 🏖️ #beachbumlife"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on YouTube this month:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

53 shares on Threads this month:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

90 shares on Slack this month:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

17 shares on Slack this month:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,669

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

It’s unfortunate that scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is so much more effective than mopping.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Shared recently on Slack:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Going viral on WeChat:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Seen just now on Threads:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Going viral on Instagram:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

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