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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

Updated

1 second ago

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Freshly posted on Discord:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

Reported on WeChat:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Live now on Telegram:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Trending via Twitch:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Going viral on Slack:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Just shared via Snapchat:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

Updated

1 second ago

Users Online

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Seen just now on X:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Just landed via Threads:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Seen just now on X:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Shared recently on Instagram:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Seen just now on X:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Breaking via Telegram:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Making waves on Slack:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

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