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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Spotted on Slack:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Going bananas on X:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Just shared via Facebook:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Breaking via TikTok:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Breaking via TikTok:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

5 months ago

0

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who needs social media when you can just post your thoughts directly into the universe? 📡🤔🌌

ask, conversation, excuse, got, honesty, humor, i, interaction, lying, media, outside, people, social, social interaction, social media, telling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

0

2 months ago

age, comfort, humor, i, old, sit, sitting, too
Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

0

5 days ago

air, attention, awkward, bashful, blinking, dirt, getting, gun, humor, interaction, shoe, shooting, shy, social, social interaction
“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

0

2 months ago

grace, humor, irony, me, never, self-deprecation, words
The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

0

2 months ago

eat, eating, forbidden, forbidden knowledge, gel, humor, knowledge, me, silica, silica gel, suspicion, told
It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

0

2 months ago

cremated, exaggeration, going, heat, hot, humor, i, joke, summer, temperature, thought, today
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

0

2 months ago

clean, cleaning, fear, funny situation, humor, i, kids, loud, neighbors, parenting, room, situation, yelling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Reddit this month:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

57 shares on X this month:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I had a friend like me.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Just shared via Telegram:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Going viral on TikTok:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Just landed via WeChat:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Spotted on Twitch:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Going viral on TikTok:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Trending via X:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

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