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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,747

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Going viral on Twitch:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Breaking via Instagram:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Shared recently on Slack:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Trending via Facebook:

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Seen just now on Discord:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Going bananas on Slack:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Funny quote about drunk texting, highlighting humorous appreciation for chaotic affection.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
When someone drunk texts you, consider it a rock-solid testament to your undeniable charm 🍻🤔💫

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

87 shares on Threads this month:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

16 shares on Discord this month:

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Live now on Twitch:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Just landed via Snapchat:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Just landed via Telegram:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

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