Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Normalize booing in the workplace.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Just landed via WeChat:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Just landed via Instagram:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Seen just now on X:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Breaking via X:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Going viral on Threads:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Trending via YouTube:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Simultaneous handshakes and name amnesia – my ultimate party trick! 🤝😅

awkward, awkward moments, brag, bragging, forget, forgetfulness, hand, handshake, humor, i, interaction, memory, moments, name, shake, social, social interaction

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

0

2 months ago

breakup, dining, disappointment, ever, expectations, experience, food, hard, humor, relationship
I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, convenience, delivery, efficiency, found, humor, i, lost, lost and found, new, office, straight, umbrella
Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

0

2 months ago

always, beach, best, chance, clumsiness, flip, flip flop, flop, fun, funny moment, humor, laughter, moment, outdoor, outdoor fun, own, someone, summer, trip
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

0

2 months ago

animal, call, humor, joke, mating, noise, stomach, whale
Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

0

2 months ago

another, bag, communication, flesh, glowing, glowing screen, humor, interaction, relationships, screen, send, social, social interaction, symbols, weird
I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, confusion, gratitude, humor, i, know, money, people, thank, understand

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Slack this month:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

77 shares on Slack this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

55 shares on Slack this month:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

99 shares on Threads this month:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Going viral on TikTok:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Making waves on Instagram:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Going viral on WeChat:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Just shared via Instagram:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨