Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Just shared via Reddit:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Trending via Discord:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Live now on Snapchat:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Just landed via Telegram:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Breaking via Threads:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

0
Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
When sober, taxis are just a ride—when drunk, they're a free therapy session on wheels! 🚕🍸😂

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Threads this month:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

92 shares on Discord this month:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

95 shares on Messenger this month:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,581

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Making waves on Twitch:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Going viral on Discord:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Trending via Instagram:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Going viral on Reddit:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴