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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I hate texting. Just hunt me like an animal.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,268

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Spotted on Reddit:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Just shared via Reddit:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Spreading quickly via X:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Going bananas on Slack:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about seeking universal love through unlikely means, with a playful superhero twist.

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Commentary:
Well, that's certainly one way to sum up Captain America's influence 🦸‍♂️💊… Or you could just stick with being kind, courageous, and fight against evil the old-fashioned way! 😉 Remember kids, say no to drugs and yes to heroism!

America, captain, Captain America, culture, drug, drugs, enhancing, everyone, humor, i, irony, just, love, me, need, performance, performance enhancing drug, pop, pop culture, self-improvement, superhero, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Instagram this month:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

57 shares on Threads this month:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I like you because we hate the same people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Trending via Reddit:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Going viral on Twitch:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Just shared via Slack:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

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