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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,360

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Going viral on Discord:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Breaking via Snapchat:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Going viral on Twitch:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Going viral on Facebook:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Just landed via YouTube:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Just landed via Messenger:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you're caught in the plot twist of a rom-com! 🍿🎬💔😅

break, conversation, dating, five, guy, guys, heart, heartbreak, humor, i, love, me, relationship, seriously, seriousness, take, talk, wants

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

0

2 months ago

humor, insane, live, madhouses, outside, people, perspective, reality
My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

0

2 months ago

advice, kid, kids, kindergarten, money, saving, start
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

0

2 months ago

dieting, easily, frustration, humor, i, keys, lose, mind, phone, temper, weight, wish
You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

0

2 months ago

badass, bunny, cleaning, corner, dust, dust bunny, exaggeration, fear, humor, irony, real, spider, unexpected
If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

0

2 months ago

every, expectation, half, hour, humor, minutes, need, ready, relationship, remind, reminder, shell, time, woman
Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

0

2 months ago

applaud, before, boo, crash, guy, humor, irony, pilot, plane, reaction, right

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

73 shares on X this month:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Seen just now on X:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Trending via Threads:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Spotted on Twitch:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Broadcasted on X:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Trending via Instagram:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Trending via WhatsApp:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨