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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

Making waves on Telegram:

Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

Spotted on YouTube:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Just shared via X:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Just shared via TikTok:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

2 months ago

0

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who says therapy has to be expensive? Just head to the nearest empty field and let it all out! 🌾🗣️ Don't worry, the cows won't judge. 😂 #ReleaseTheKraken"

activity, empty, empty field, expression, field, fun, fun activity, health, hour, humor, i, just, mental, mental health, need, outdoor, playfulness, relief, scream, stress, stress relief, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

0

5 months ago

almost, conversation, feels, friend, friends, humor, i, never, science, scientific, sex, sexual, talk
I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

0

2 months ago

fun, gathering, humor, invite, later, party, people, phones, social, stare, want
Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

0

2 months ago

4pm, activity, bedtime, close, debate, humor, i, need, night, riled, start, thing, time
My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

0

2 months ago

activity, couple, dinner, eat, eating, fast, fast eating, food, fun, fun activity, humor, popsicle, wife
Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

0

2 months ago

break, die, humor, jealousy, just, phone, rest, technology
I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

0

2 months ago

3, bad, craving, desire, dollars, humor, i, joke, know, million, money, pregnant, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Reddit this month:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

88 shares on Slack this month:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

57 shares on Telegram this month:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

15 shares on Slack this month:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Making waves on Instagram:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Making waves on TikTok:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Spotted on Twitch:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Live now on Telegram:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Breaking via Instagram:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴