I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

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Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

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Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

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Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

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I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

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I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

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If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

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Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

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After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

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If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

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Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.