28 funny woke quotes - Wordgag

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

May 30, 2026

It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.

May 29, 2026

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

May 29, 2026

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

May 29, 2026

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

May 29, 2026

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

May 29, 2026

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

May 29, 2026

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

May 28, 2026

I woke up alive again.

May 28, 2026

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

May 28, 2026

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

May 27, 2026

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

May 27, 2026

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

May 26, 2026

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

May 26, 2026

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

May 26, 2026

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

May 25, 2026

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

May 24, 2026

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

May 24, 2026

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

May 24, 2026

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

May 23, 2026

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

May 23, 2026

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

May 22, 2026

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

May 22, 2026

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

May 22, 2026

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

May 21, 2026

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

May 21, 2026

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

May 21, 2026

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

May 19, 2026