Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,295

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Making waves on TikTok:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

Seen just now on TikTok:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Just landed via Messenger:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Trending via Reddit:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Trending via Slack:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Trending via Threads:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your data usage has Secret Service on speed dial 📞😂🚨

call, dad, data, forget, funny memory, guy, i, me, memory, middle, middle school, need, never, Obama, phone, school, stop, tell, using, Verizon

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

0

2 months ago

call, communication, hate, humor, i, people, personal, personal preference, phone, preference, sarcasm, technology
Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulting, ask, babysitter, being, home, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, responsibility, should
My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

0

2 months ago

everyone, everything, expectations, favorite, heart, humor, intentions, kindness, media, nice, purity, read, sarcasm, social, social media, things, true, truth, Twitter
Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

0

2 months ago

confusion, dry, headache, humor, idea, nap, refreshed, relaxed, rest, sleep, throat, wake, year
Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, anxiety, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery store, hiding, i, know, life, me, much, nothing, observation, people, prepared, social, social anxiety, spent, store
Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

0

5 months ago

bored, boredom, creativity, food, humor, imagine, invention, mayonnaise, person

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Discord this month:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

32 shares on Discord this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Trending via Pinterest:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Just landed via Facebook:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Seen just now on Threads:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Spotted on YouTube:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Making waves on X:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨