Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

294 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,563

Funny Quotes Topics

17,619

Funny Quotes Images

15,563

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,587

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Breaking via Twitch:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Just shared via Telegram:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Just landed via Discord:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Live now on Discord:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Seen just now on Threads:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Just shared via TikTok:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Seen just now on Discord:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Spotted on Discord:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Having a seasoned pro teach sex ed is like learning to swim from a shark—you're definitely getting the real deal! 🦈😅📱

child, children, ed, family, humor, husband, multitasking, opinion, parenting, phone, pregnancy, run, scrolling, sex, sex ed, should, strong, taught, third, through, weeks, while, wild, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

5 months ago

childhood, humor, i, kindergarten, leisure, nap, read, reading, relaxation, sit, snack, take, want
I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

2 months ago

abuse, dying, humor, i, me, people, sarcasm
I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

6 months ago

exercise, fitness, focus, gym, humor, i, jail, prison, should, workout
Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

2 months ago

AI, AI failure, awesome, criticism, environmental, environmental impact, failure, Google, Google AI, humor, impact, innovation, planet, sarcasm, technology, work
You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

2 months ago

aging, aging humor, aging joke, bathroom, forgetfulness, getting, here, humor, i, joke, know, old, past, thinking, walk, well, while
If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

2 months ago

attention, attitude, confidence, feel, giving, humor, ignoring, passion, people, personality, real, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

32 shares on Threads this month:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

26 shares on Discord this month:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Spotted on Twitch:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Just shared via Messenger:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Making waves on Snapchat:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Just shared via YouTube:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨