Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Seen just now on Slack:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Making waves on Instagram:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Spotted on Messenger:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Shared recently on Twitch:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Making waves on Reddit:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about politely sarcastic door-holder, humorous and playful attitude.

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Commentary:
When someone doesn't say thank you, I just assume they're conducting an important social experiment in awkward silence! 🚪😎🤫

behavior, doing, door, etiquette, gratitude, hold, holding, holding door, humor, i, never, people, rude, rude behavior, sarcasm, say, saying, social, social etiquette, something, stop, thank, thank you, welcome

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Telegram this month:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

74 shares on Discord this month:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

70 shares on X this month:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Going viral on Pinterest:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Just shared via YouTube:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Making waves on Discord:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

Just shared via Twitch:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨