Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Breaking via YouTube:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Live now on Twitch:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Going bananas on Instagram:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Seen just now on X:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Just shared via YouTube:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Going bananas on Threads:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Supersizing McWieners? That's a plot twist even my taste buds didn't see coming! 🌭🍔😂

able, casual, casual dining, dining, dog, dogs, face, fast, fast food, food, hot, hot dog, humor, joke, McDonald’s, order, restaurant, satire, sold, straight, tell, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

0

2 months ago

day, days, downs, fan, humor, life, perspective, shit, ups, ups and downs
I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, close, close friend story, coping, coping mechanism, creativity, friend, friends, humor, mechanism, media, pain, social, social media, something, story, turn, tweet
Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

0

2 months ago

days, dead, disappear, humor, i, Jesus, pretend, resurrection, sarcasm, think, trouble, whenever, wit
Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

0

2 months ago

adopted, biologically, dog, humor, i, me, mine, pet, response, someone, whenever
The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

0

4 months ago

account, bank, bank account, battery, comparison, drain, faster, finance, humor, money, only, phone, phone battery, spending, technology, thing
I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

0

2 months ago

age, check, confusion, daily, daily life, forgetfulness, glasses, humor, i, life, memory, pills, put, remember, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Slack this month:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

90 shares on X this month:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

55 shares on Threads this month:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Spotted on Twitch:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Going viral on Pinterest:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Going bananas on X:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Breaking via X:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Breaking via Threads:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Going viral on Threads:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Going bananas on Discord:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨