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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Going viral on Facebook:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Trending via Telegram:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Breaking via Threads:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That’s one way to find out who’s truly committed to the match! 📣😂 #LocalLove

dating, finding, funny story, guy, humor, i, interaction, lived, match, neighbor, neighborhood, once, outside, scream, social, social interaction, story, told

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

1 month ago

closet, feet, fitted, fitted sheet, friends, humor, just, me, mistake, need, parenting, sheet, shitted, shitted feet, son
Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

1 month ago

adventure, being, humor, Jersey, love, never, new, New Jersey, places, pride, put, relationships, thought, travel
Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

4 weeks ago

alone, attitude, candle, candle in the wind, humor, independence, just, leave, life, living, man, me, personal, personal space, space, wind
On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

1 month ago

bikini, body, body image, cake, choice, dilemma, hand, humor, ID, image, indulgence, love, sexy
I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

4 weeks ago

humor, humorous, humorous quote, independent, independent woman, irony, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, self-empowerment, strong, strong woman, woman
Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

1 month ago

age, around, candy, childhood, cigarettes, humor, innocence, memory, nostalgia, smokers, thing, used

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Living la vida taco!

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Freshly posted on X:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Live now on YouTube:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Spotted on Threads:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Live now on Threads:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

I remember sex. That was cool.

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

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Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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