Funny kidnapped quotes

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Commentary:
When two scared warriors meet for the legendary exchange of mildly used household goods 😅🤝🛍️ #BraveHearts

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the ol' 'fart your way to freedom' strategy, a true gas-powered escape plan! 🌬️💨 Just imagine the looks on your kidnappers' faces as they realize they've underestimated the power of nervous flatulence! 💨😂 Remember, when in doubt, let it out! #FlatulenceForFreedom"