15 funny purchase quotes - Wordgag

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

May 22, 2026

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

May 21, 2026

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

May 20, 2026

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

May 19, 2026

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Apr 1, 2026

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Apr 1, 2026

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Mar 31, 2026

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Mar 30, 2026

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Mar 30, 2026

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Mar 28, 2026

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Mar 28, 2026

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Mar 28, 2026

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Mar 28, 2026

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Mar 27, 2026

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Mar 27, 2026