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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,346

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Shared recently on Messenger:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Just landed via Facebook:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Just shared via Telegram:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Making waves on Discord:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Live now on WeChat:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"At least you'll get the last word… and the last laugh! 😂✏️📝 #UltimateControl"

control, control freak, dark, dark humor, death, eulogy, freak, funny perspective, funny thought, humor, i, loved, ones, own, perspective, quirky, relatable, say, thinking, thought, thoughts, want, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

0

2 months ago

another, belief, command, God, humor, kill, morality, religion
Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

0

4 months ago

animal, animal behavior, away, behavior, car, comparison, crazy, day, found, funny comparison, gas, gas station, got, having, horse, humor, imagine, later, life, medieval, medieval times, modern, modern life, ran, run, runaway, runaway horse, scared, station, times, transportation
People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, banana, celebration, costume, event, humor, outfit, own, people, shit, unique, wear
I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

0

2 months ago

authenticity, being, disappointment, honesty, humor, i, myself, personality, right, self, start
I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adults, couch, couch potato, humor, humor quote, i, ignore, ignoring, ignoring problems, laziness, life, phone, phone usage, play, potato, problems, procrastination, run, sit, usage
Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

0

2 months ago

culture, darth, Darth Maul, humor, marriage, maul, pop, pop culture, sci-fi, surprise, veil, wedding, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

95 shares on Threads this month:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

23 shares on Slack this month:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Going viral on Discord:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Shared recently on Threads:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Making waves on Threads:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Going viral on Instagram:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Spotted on Instagram:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨