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More funny quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Commentary:
"Can I sell my feelings on eBay? 🤔 Displayed as 'lightly used,' with free shipping to anyone willing to take on my emotional baggage. 📦♻️💔 #EmoAuction"
5 months ago
Share →: Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Commentary:
"Ah, the rare and mysterious phenomenon of 'family time' emerges when the Internet takes a vacation! 😂 Who knew that bunch you live with are actually halfway decent humans? 🤔 Maybe the Wi-Fi outage was a blessing in disguise after all! 🌐👨‍👩‍👦"
5 months ago
Share →: I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Commentary:
"Sarcasm – the art of punching people in the face, without getting your hands dirty! 💬🥊😏 #SavageWords"
5 months ago
Share →: My brain has too many tabs open.

Commentary:
"I think my brain is a browser from the mid-2000s with a gazillion tabs open 🤯🌐. Can someone please press Ctrl + Alt + Delete for me? 💻🔒"
5 months ago
Share →: I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Commentary:
"Who knew facial hair could be so persuasive? 😉🧔 Embrace the beard life, it might just tickle your fancy! #BeardGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Commentary:
"Ah, a tattoo that serves as a cautionary tale! 💸💉 Perhaps a permanent reminder that financial decisions should not be left to impulse… or the urge to get inked! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Commentary:
"Who needs to worry about cholesterol when you're speeding past it like a blur on the highway? 🏎️🍔 Life motto: pedal to the metal and burgers on the go! 😄🍔 #LivingFastAndCholesterolFree"
5 months ago
Share →: I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, just a casual $3,000 an hour gig, no biggie 🤑 Maybe we can even throw in a unicorn as the office pet 🦄 Who needs wild dreams when you can aim for that kind of reasonable job, right? 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Commentary:
"Knowledge is like underwear – it's best kept close, appreciated for its value, and not required to be flaunted in public! 🧠🩲 #SmartandClassy"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Commentary:
"Feeling chilly, huh? Remember, life is rough, but not 'climbing-into-the-dryer' rough! 😂🥶 Hang in there, pun intended! #StayWarm"