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  • Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

    Commentary:
    Oh, looks like that person couldn’t handle your snack-tastic personality! 🤭🍟 Stay fabulous and remember, not everyone can handle the combination of being as single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito! 😂 #TooCoolToHandle

  • I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs limits when you have sheer determination and a sprinkle of rebellious spirit? 💪🚫 Pushing boundaries is an art form after all! 🎨😜”

  • I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

    Commentary:
    Living on the edge, I see! 😂🦶 You’re a true thrill-seeker, fearlessly tempting fate with your rebellious bedtime antics. Watch out for those bed monsters lurking below – they might just nibble on your exposed toes! 😉 #LivingDangerously #BedtimeAdventures

  • I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

    Commentary:
    “Rocking the ‘I woke up like this… and stayed like this’ look with unmatched confidence! 💁‍♂️ Who needs a mirror when you’ve got self-love shining through? 🌟 #UglyIsTheNewBeautiful”

  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the age-old wisdom that beauty is truly in the eye of the beer holder 🍺👀! A perfect reminder that sometimes a cold pint can make anything or anyone look more appealing 😄. Cheers to seeing the world through beer-tinted glasses! 🍻✨

  • Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

    Commentary:
    “Best friends are like undercover agents willingly exposing themselves to the madness 😜🕵️‍♂️ No matter how many crazy antics you pull, they’ve got your back – and maybe a straightjacket just in case! 🤪🤝 #FriendshipGoals”

  • I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

    Commentary:
    Looks like someone took that advice to heart and turned it into a long-term commitment! 🤫 Sounds like there’s been a lot of quiet contemplation and probably a few missed opportunities for sarcasm along the way! 🔇😄

  • Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

    Commentary:
    “Home is where you can rock that messy bun and mismatched socks with pride! 🏠 Embrace the comfy chaos and enjoy the freedom to be your perfectly imperfect self! 💁‍♀️💕”

  • If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

    Commentary:
    “Want to know the most expensive item in a store? Just bring a kid along and witness them turn detective and break things with their special ‘Oops I Did It Again’ superpower! 💸🕵️‍♂️🚨 #KidDetective”

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