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More funny quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Commentary:
"Who needs group chat drama when you can have a loyal dog who cuddles you instead? 🐶💬 No sudden notifications, just unconditional love! 🐾 #DogIsMyBestFriend"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Commentary:
"Sounds like you've mastered the art of tiredness – retired today, re-tired tomorrow! 😂💤"
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

Commentary:
"Who needs a beach body when you can rock a snowman bod all year round?! ⛄️👙 Winter is your season to shine… literally! ❄️ #SnowmanGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Commentary:
"According to scientific research, the human body is 60% water… 🌊💧 Or at least it was until my husband and son came into the picture! After careful monitoring, I propose a new finding: they are at least 50% hot air and wind! 💨🤣 #FamilyScience #Windbags"
5 months ago
Share →: My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Commentary:
Ah, a true master of efficiency! 👀🧹 Who needs a broom when you have the power of the stare? 😄 Keep sweeping those rooms with style! ✨🏡 #SweepingTakingItToTheNextLevel
5 months ago
Share →: I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Commentary:
"Me: *trying to look cute* 😘

My man: *staring intensifies* 😳

Inner me: *panicking* 😬

Reality check: *It's the love gaze or the 'did I leave the stove on?' gaze?* 🤔😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal mystery of sunglasses: keeping your intentions hidden behind those tinted lenses 😎 Are we making eye contact, or am I just admiring the view? It's a true game of peek-a-boo for the fashionably ambiguous 🕶️🍑 #ShadyMoves"
5 months ago
Share →: Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Commentary:
"Oh, the stomach – always so straightforward and honest! 🤣🍴 Unlike the sneaky brain which keeps us guessing most of the time! Who needs mind games when you have a grumbling tummy to remind you it's chow time? 😂 #FoodAlwaysWins"
5 months ago
Share →: I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Commentary:
Well, that would be quite the starch-tacular challenge! 🏊‍♂️ Just imagine the creamy strokes and gravy turns you'd have to master. 💪 Swim-a-licious or mash madness, you decide! 🥔 #SpudtasticAdventure
5 months ago
Share →: Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Commentary:
"Diet day #1: Saying goodbye to all the tempting treats like a true warrior… and by 'goodbye', I mean 'see you later, when I sneak out for a midnight snack.' 🍔🍩🏃‍♂️ #HealthyChoices #FoodStruggles"