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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,486

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Freshly posted on X:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Just landed via Facebook:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Trending via Slack:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Going viral on Threads:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Breaking via TikTok:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Funny David Attenborough quotes

New funny David Attenborough quotes 👇

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

5 days ago

attenborough, david, David Attenborough, documentary, humor, life, narrating, observation, sleeping, still

All funny David Attenborough quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Reddit this month:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

90 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

76 shares on Threads this month:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

38 shares on YouTube this month:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

64 shares on Discord this month:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Trending via Twitch:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Just shared via Reddit:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Live now on Slack:

I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.

Going viral on Discord:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Seen just now on X:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

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Funny David Attenborough quotes

New funny David Attenborough quotes 👇

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

All funny David Attenborough quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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