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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,743

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Just landed via Discord:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Spotted on Twitch:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Trending via Threads:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Trending via Messenger:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Just landed via Instagram:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Funny David Attenborough quotes

New funny David Attenborough quotes 👇

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

1 month ago

attenborough, david, David Attenborough, documentary, humor, life, narrating, observation, sleeping, still

All funny David Attenborough quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

92 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

77 shares on X this month:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

13 shares on Discord this month:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Spotted on Snapchat:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Trending via Telegram:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Making waves on WeChat:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny David Attenborough quotes

New funny David Attenborough quotes 👇

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

All funny David Attenborough quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨