Having children is basically like being the president of a frat house – except you can't resign, the messes are smaller but smellier, and the parties never end. Cheers to parenthood, where sleep is a distant memory and throwing up is just another rite of passage!

Seriously, Google Maps, I love living life on the edge, but not THAT close to it! 🚗💨 Better not turn left into chaos, thanks! 🙅‍♂️😂

Who needs a mountain when you have a bag of trail mix, am I right? 🏞️🥜 Next time someone questions your exercise routine, just tell them you're on a rigorous trail mix hike! 💪😂 #SnackGoals

Seems like balcony plants demand as much attention as a high-maintenance partner! 🌿💊 Maybe gardening gloves should come with a warning label next time 😉

👽🚀 "Attention all extraterrestrial beings, Earth is in quite a peculiar state at the moment, so your arrival would definitely be a welcomed sight! Think of it as a cosmic rescue mission or a much-needed intervention – we promise to make it worth your while with some intergalactic snacks and a front-row seat to our entertaining human drama. So, dear aliens, what are you waiting for? The show is about to begin! 🌍✨

Who needs salt when you've got tears to add that extra seasoning? 😂🍽️ Just remember, more tears = more flavor! #LifeHack

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. 👀 I love these! 🙌 Guess I can add it to my collection of random stuff that might come in handy someday… Thanks! 🎁✨ #GiftedWithSarcasm