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325 Funny day quotes

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  • They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

    Commentary:
    “When I upgrade to that version of life, I’ll read the instructions! 📚🤔😂”

  • No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

    Commentary:
    “Fueling my workout with the power of past regrets and questionable life choices! 😂💪 #FlashbackFitness”

  • Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

    Commentary:
    “😂 When a toddler says ‘make me an offer,’ you better have cookies ready or be prepared for a kindergarten coup! 🍪👶💼”

  • “American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

    Commentary:
    “Waiting for the plot twist where the American Pope is also a crime-fighting detective! 😂📺✝️”

  • Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

    Commentary:
    “When your hair decides it’s having a rebellious day, and you realize it’s won the argument yet again! 💇‍♀️😤🤦‍♀️”

  • They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

    Commentary:
    “When they try to recreate your sauce but end up with ketchup soup instead! 🍅🤦‍♂️😂”

  • Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

    Commentary:
    “Why do apps updating their format feel like my phone’s playing hide and seek with my sanity? 🤯📱🔄”

  • “Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

    Commentary:
    “Sorry, my new privacy policy only shares memes and bad jokes 😂🔒 #KeepingItPrivate”

  • What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

    Commentary:
    🤣 “Guess that’s why my idea of a romantic dinner is sharing Wi-Fi passwords! 📶❤️ #WeirdoAtHeart”

  • Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

    Commentary:
    “May the best Roomba win! 🏆🤖 Battle of the suction cups! Who will claim the floor? 🤺😂”

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