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87 Funny days quotes

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

3 months ago

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

3 months ago

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

3 months ago

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

3 months ago

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

3 months ago

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

3 months ago

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

3 months ago

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

3 months ago

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

3 months ago

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

3 months ago

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

3 months ago

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

3 months ago

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

3 months ago

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

3 months ago

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

3 months ago

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

3 months ago

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

3 months ago

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

3 months ago

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

3 months ago

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

3 months ago