142 funny days quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Mar 31, 2026

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Mar 31, 2026

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Mar 30, 2026

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Mar 30, 2026

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Mar 30, 2026

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Mar 30, 2026

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Mar 30, 2026

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Mar 30, 2026

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Mar 30, 2026

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Mar 30, 2026

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Mar 30, 2026

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Mar 30, 2026

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Mar 29, 2026

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Mar 29, 2026

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Mar 29, 2026

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Mar 29, 2026

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Mar 29, 2026

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Mar 29, 2026

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Mar 29, 2026

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Mar 29, 2026

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Mar 28, 2026

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Mar 28, 2026

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Mar 28, 2026

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Mar 28, 2026

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Mar 28, 2026

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Mar 28, 2026

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Mar 28, 2026

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Mar 28, 2026

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Mar 28, 2026

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Mar 28, 2026

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Mar 27, 2026

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Mar 27, 2026

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Mar 27, 2026

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Mar 27, 2026

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Mar 27, 2026

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Mar 27, 2026

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Mar 27, 2026

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Mar 27, 2026

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Mar 27, 2026

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Mar 27, 2026