142 funny days quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

May 27, 2026

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

May 27, 2026

Please twerk; I have just days left.

May 27, 2026

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

May 27, 2026

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

May 27, 2026

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

May 27, 2026

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

May 27, 2026

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

May 26, 2026

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

May 26, 2026

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

May 26, 2026

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

May 26, 2026

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

May 26, 2026

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

May 26, 2026

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

May 26, 2026

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

May 26, 2026

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

May 26, 2026

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

May 25, 2026

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

May 25, 2026

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

May 25, 2026

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

May 25, 2026

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

May 25, 2026

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

May 25, 2026

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

May 25, 2026

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

May 25, 2026

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

May 25, 2026

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

May 24, 2026

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

May 24, 2026

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

May 24, 2026

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

May 24, 2026

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

May 24, 2026

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

May 24, 2026

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

May 24, 2026

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

May 24, 2026

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

May 24, 2026

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

May 24, 2026

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

May 24, 2026

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

May 23, 2026

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

May 23, 2026

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

May 23, 2026

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

May 23, 2026