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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

Going bananas on Reddit:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Seen just now on Threads:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Going viral on WeChat:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Just shared via Threads:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Shared recently on Discord:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Seen just now on Threads:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

294 Funny everyone quotes

Funny everyone quotes poke fun at the universal truths and shared experiences that *everyone* can relate to — whether we admit it or not! 😂🌍 From pretending to know what we’re doing to acting cool while tripping over nothing, these quotes remind us that everyone has their awkward, silly moments. Because if everyone’s doing it, it’s probably hilarious! 😆🙋‍♀️📣

New funny everyone quotes 👇

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

1 hour ago

aging, aging humor, everyone, found, freak, freak out, funny moment, grey, grey hair, hair, humor, i, meeting, moment, pubic, pubic hair, reaction, surprise, surprise reaction, today, Zoom, Zoom meeting
I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

2 hours ago

everyone, expectations, hours, humor, i, know, love, movie, movy, reality, relationship, romance, time
I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

3 hours ago

everyone, good, humor, i, know, me, opinion, people, personality, self-confidence, taste
Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

3 hours ago

comparison, everyone, humor, i, lifestyle, media, pictures, posting, relaxation, shopping, social, social media, vacation
My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

3 hours ago

beautiful, beautiful side, circle, everyone, family, humor, i, mom, perspective, self-deprecation, side
Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

4 hours ago

chaos, everyone, extra, extra hour, hour, humor, late, minds, minutes, office, productivity, rules, stay, time, work, workplace
An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

6 hours ago

accomplish, activity, agenda, everyone, fun, fun activity, hope, i, party, reveal, surprise, things, weekend
Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

6 hours ago

around, Craigslist, dark, dark humor, everyone, humor, internet, joke, marketplace, murder, online, online marketplace, over, safety, still
It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

7 hours ago

confidence, everyone, good, humor, me, okay, opinion, self-esteem, taste
Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

11 hours ago

acceptance, attitude, behavior, confrontation, dislike, else, everyone, feeling, honesty, i, interaction, just, me, poor, social, social interaction, valid, valid feeling, while

For even more funny everyone quotes, hit next 👇

All funny everyone quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Just landed via TikTok:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Going viral on Reddit:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Spotted on Discord:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Shared recently on Threads:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Seen just now on X:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Going bananas on Reddit:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

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