Funny quotes everyone

157 Funny everyone quotes

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

2 weeks ago

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

3 weeks ago

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

3 weeks ago

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

4 weeks ago

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

1 month ago

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

1 month ago

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

1 month ago

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

1 month ago

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

1 month ago

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

1 month ago

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

1 month ago

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

1 month ago

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

1 month ago

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

1 month ago

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

1 month ago

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

2 months ago

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

2 months ago

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

2 months ago

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

2 months ago

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

3 months ago

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

3 months ago

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

3 months ago

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

3 months ago

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

3 months ago

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

3 months ago

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

3 months ago

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

3 months ago

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

3 months ago

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

3 months ago

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

3 months ago