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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I need a break from me.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

How is it still this week?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Just landed via Reddit:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Going viral on Reddit:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Making waves on Snapchat:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Just landed via Reddit:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Making waves on Facebook:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Just landed via WeChat:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Breaking via Messenger:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Making waves on Slack:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Just shared via Facebook:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Making waves on Discord:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Spotted on Discord:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Going viral on Reddit:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Shared recently on Instagram:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

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